Forget Kirby, vote for Phil

It is, once again, SGA election time, which brings with it a barrage of people handing me pieces of paper that I toss in the nearest garbage can. Let's face it: I don't know who most of these people are, and I don't care that I don't. The SGA has very little effect on me, as my interests and those of the SGA rarely, if ever, line up.

Like the United States Senate, the SGA spends a lot of time doing things like acknowledging that the Knights of Columbus have been around for a long time. While the Knights may be an organization that is close to my heart, as the Huntsville chapter used to host some great live musical performances, I don't understand why the SGA would spend its valuable time discussing that organization.

You might think that since I don't care about the SGA, I wouldn't bother voting. The truth is, however, I do vote; but that doesn't mean I take it seriously. What I'm saying is that I base my votes on things that aren't necessarily related to leadership.

For example, when I go to the Ferguson Center today, I might vote for Cason Kirby simply because he is more confident than Stephen Saucier. Off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you about their policy differences, but based on The Crimson White's SGA forum last week, Kirby is comfortable speaking in a public forum and Saucier is not.

Actually, I'm not going to bother voting for Kirby. I have a better candidate in mind. I'll get to that later.

When I was walking to class yesterday morning, one piece of paper I was handed urged me to vote for Kendra Key for vice president of External Affairs. It just so happens that the paper was handed to me by Key herself. Therefore, I will vote for her as well.

This kind of thinking is nothing new for me. Last year, I voted for R.B. Walker because while former SGA president Justice Smyth hated to talk to us at The Crimson White, Walker, who was SGA chief of staff at the time, was always eager to present the SGA's viewpoint on important matters.

I remember when I was covering the infamous Homecoming concert split in the fall of 2006, and I wanted to hear what Smyth thought about the situation. I never heard from Smyth, but I did get a call from Walker on my cell phone, and he was very frank and honest about what they thought of the controversy.

In 2006, I voted for Adam Rankin because I knew him personally through a variety of folks, including 2005 Homecoming Court member Sara Catherine Thomason. Rankin seemed to me to be a pretty cool guy, so he received my vote. He ultimately lost to Justice Smyth, but I can pretty confidently say that Rankin would have at least been more personable as president.

On the flip side of that, 2006 SGA presidential candidate Robert Steiner, who came in a distant third that year, was going door-to-door campaigning in my dorm, Burke West, and woke me up from a nap. That guaranteed he wouldn't get my vote.

I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you how to vote, however. Like I said before, I don't really care who wins. And it doesn't really matter who I endorse, because Kirby, the Machine candidate, is going to win in a landslide. But if you haven't yet voted and you want to exercise your voting rights, but can't bring yourself to cast a vote for the Machine, let me provide an alternative.

While I hear Julio Jones is a popular write-in candidate, he isn't actually eligible because he isn't yet a student. Do you know who is a student and who would make a great write-in candidate?

Me.

That's right, I'm saying it would be really great if I were to get some votes for SGA president. If you were to write my name on that ballot, however, you would be making a mockery of the system. So if you're going to do that, you ought to go all the way and vote for me for every position for which you can vote. Remember, a vote for me is a vote for yourself. And you can rest assure that I will vote for yourself.